I fell in love in 9th grade at Western High School. I didn’t expect it I for sure wasn’t looking for love but he made me fall for him. It was such a new feeling for me I didn’t know what it meant. I woke up with him on my mind feeling happy with warm fluttering in my stomach, ready to get all cute in case I saw him today. He was everything I ever wanted in a man. He had dreams so big and endless you could just tell he was going to accomplish anything if he set his mind to it. Don’t get me started on how handsome he is! He was my tall light skin Denzel Washington. He was so tall I never had to look for him too long in a crowd, I could always spot his big head above everyone else. When he would ask for a kiss I would have to get on the tip of my toes to reach him. The first few months together were paralyzing magical. It was like spilling a packet of seeds all over the front yard and watching flowers bloom sporadically the following spring. I fell in love meticulously and deeply, and I knew that I wanted him to be a part of my life forever. I never had someone who cared for me so consistently. He never left me like the others, when I needed someone he was the first person to calm my nerves. He hugged me so tight like I was a teddy bear to a newborn baby.
My High school sweetheart, oh how the time flew when we were together. So soon our anniversary I knew he would go all out. “come outside” the text he sent me, I panicked I wasn’t expecting him so soon. I instantaneously tripped and jumped into the shower. I hope he wouldn’t notice the cuts and patches from trying to shave my legs rapidly. My lungs curled up, I think I over did it with my perfume. He loved me regardless so why was I sweating nervously its just like any other date right? He pulled me in his arms closely and recalled all the sweet memories from last year together. My cheeks where puffy and sore from smiling constantly he always knew the right things to say. I couldn’t think back to a hour going by without him reminding me of how much he loved me. He pulled out a little silver ring with a heart on it and told me he promises that he didn’t want to spend another year of his life without me.
Year two with the man of my dreams. we fought more this year but he still knew how to win over my heart. I love him so much but our work schedules were starting to create a drift. I couldn’t see him everyday anymore I wasn’t going to come in-between him and his work. He wanted to be a doctor so I assumed I better get use to the long work hours anyways. We still managed to see each other two or three times a week. He knew how to make those days like heaven to me. Nothing could tear us apart as soon as this semester was over I was 100% positive to being with my future husband everyday like the old times. I was still very much in love but I didn’t feel the need to dress up in my news clothes when we went out, or over due it with the perfume. My heart didn’t skip a beat anymore I got comfortable around him.
Year three was filled with late nights alone, cold bed, dead phones, and excuses. He barley created time to call me where did we go wrong. I love him but I was starting to question if that was enough. We fought 70% of the time we were together I kept asking myself if this was normal, or could we overcome this. We couldn’t ever agree on where to go to dinner, he barley called me at night after his work day. He stopped sending me those detailed long messages saying how he was thinking about me throughout his day. When we would lay in bed together I felt so alone. I invested to much into this I wasn’t about to give up now. No relationship is perfect all the time. Or was I starting to creating excuses.
Year four, I’ve never felt so empty I thought maybe this was a phase. this whole time I thought maybe it was my fault to why we grew apart. I blamed myself for things that weren’t my fault. I accepted his apology every single time he would come back crying to me. I was so alone but he wasn’t. He was jumping from bed to bed, girl to girl while I was worried about him “working to much.” I was done I couldn’t keep feeling like this my family was worried about me. I never wanted to hang out with my friends anymore I was constantly depressed. I was going to leave him. I packed my things I was about to walk out. I saw the door with every step I took forward I felt that I was loosing every memory we’ve ever created together. I felt the pressure to slow down. Was this something I really wanted, was I ready to walk out this door and leave him behind. Ten more steps thats all I needed. A new life a new beginning this was going to be a relief I get to finally leave all this stress. Five more steps, regret was starting to sit in would I regret this? My head was starting to feel as heavy as my foot steps. I touched the cold rusted door knob. I made it, it was finally time to move on. As I took the first steps out I ran into someone and dropped my box I couldn’t tell who it was just a tall figure in a black hoodie covering his face. It was him he helped me pick up my things. His hands were cold as if he was waiting outside for hours. I looked into his bloodshot red eyes so many feelings rushed my conscience. I couldn’t process my thoughts fast enough next thing I knew I forgave him as he cried in my arms. My shirt was soaked he promised he wouldn’t do it again. He told me he didn’t know what he had till I threatened to leave. He was promising me everything I wanted just like the old times. This was the man I wanted to marry, have kids with and grow old together I gave him another chance. That lasted about a week, till another woman called me and gave me the gruesome details to their love life. Finally, the last straw was pulled. How could the man who I love so much destroy my heart. It was really time to move on I felt like a weight was lifted, it was time to love myself the way I loved him.